I did good this week. Real good.
5 pounds down!
I did two things...
a. started seriously cutting back on the vino
b. began tracking my food intake via an amazing app called My Net Diary
My Net Diary is an app that allows you to set a weight goal and timeline for yourself to loose the weight by, and then calculates how much you should eat each day in order to reach that goal. It measure EVERYTHING- calories, carbs, protein, etc. You enter in everything you eat and it tallies up all the nutritional values for the food you ate that day. The best part is, you don't have to read a bunch of nutrtion labels to enter the info- it comes with a barcode scanner installed in the app to automatically add the ingredient or food item. It ALSO allows you to look up the workouts you do and adds the calories you burn into the mix too!
The BEST part though? It's FREE.99!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I seriously recommend this app to anyone looking to start a diet, but doesn't want to restrict themselves of either fat, calories or carbs. It really made me open my eyes to how much I eat (and how I thought it wasn't as much as it really is) and has really forced me to keep track. There hasn't been one food I've looked up and isn't their database- and I eat some pretty obscure food sometimes.
I feel one step closer to a better me today!!!! And I'm enjoying the glass of wine I BUDGETED for (not rewarding) myself as I write this. It feels good to show a little self-control every now and then! ;)
Friday, May 11, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
I Lift Things Up and Put them Down
So about a month and a half ago, my fiance and I joined LA Fitness...still debating whether it's LA (as in Los Angeles) or La Fitness- a french twist. :)
Overall I think it's a nice place. Nice equipment, spacious, great classes, pool, racquetball, basketball, clean and they even have a juice bar with food and stuff. However, I have a bone to pick with LA Fitness...or maybe the whole fitness industry.Who knows???? When we signed up, they had us sit down with a personal trainer. He was 20 years old, and walked us through the LA Fitness work-out/weight loss mantra. Thirty minutes weights, 30 minutes cardio, every other day while alternating upper and lower body. They took our BMI (I cried), and scheduled us for a fitness assessment. We were very clear from the beginning we could not afford a personal training package. I did express I was willing to pay for one training session so someone who I'd like to think knows more about this me, could set me up with a regimen and I could do it for a month, and then get another session to re-assess and alter as I get stronger.
So we go to the fitness assessment. Yes, I realized how out of shape I was in. However, it was supposed to be a 30 minute session, and it lasted 15. And the guy was really arrogant-same guy we sat down with- and was talking to other people or looking around the gym instead of making sure we're at least doing the exercises right. What he doesn't know, it that I worked with a personal trainer for 3 years, 2-3 times a week. I KNOW how to do the exercises. I just don't remember the routines- I played stupid and just did what I was told. I also thought he was making the shit up as he was going along.
When the 'assessment' was done he said the obvious- we were out of shape. DUH. And then proceeded to try to sell us a personal training package. I again expressed what I was looking for...stressing the "we're paying for our own wedding" thing, and then he said if we were serious about loosing weight, we should move the wedding back!!!!!! Are you kidding me?!?!?! I again asked him about doing one session to get a routine, just so I know what to do, and he said they don't offer something like that there. So instead of getting $50 a month, they get nothing. HUH?
Is this how gyms function now? When I was 18, I joined a gym and that's what they did- give a personal training session to teach us how to use the equipment, and gave us a plan to follow. Has it really become an 'all or nothing' industry? How does anyone who's never worked out a day in their life get started then? I'd really like to know how other gyms work when it comes to their personal training packages.
This leads me to my ultimate question that, through research and asking around, I have yet to have answered:
WHAT is the best routine for me to loose weight?
For those of you who might have an answer for me, I'll give you my stats:
I'm 34 years old. I'm 100 over weight. I have no medical conditions or injuries that would prevent me from doing certain exercises. I am MOTIVATED and WILLING to do WHATEVER. I am putty in a hand. The problem is there are so many conflicting ideas out there, how do you weed through all the BS? Some websites say no weights because you'll bulk up under the fat. Some say yes to weights, but not on the stationary machines. WHICH IS IT?!?!?!?!
If you're reading this, and could give insight- please comment on here. I'm sure some people reading this would want to know too.
Overall, it feels AMAZING to be working out again. I especially love the days I'm not working out and my body is sore from the workout the day before. It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something- almost like the fruit of my labor. I also forgot how the endorphins lift your mood too. I feel so much better!
Overall I think it's a nice place. Nice equipment, spacious, great classes, pool, racquetball, basketball, clean and they even have a juice bar with food and stuff. However, I have a bone to pick with LA Fitness...or maybe the whole fitness industry.Who knows???? When we signed up, they had us sit down with a personal trainer. He was 20 years old, and walked us through the LA Fitness work-out/weight loss mantra. Thirty minutes weights, 30 minutes cardio, every other day while alternating upper and lower body. They took our BMI (I cried), and scheduled us for a fitness assessment. We were very clear from the beginning we could not afford a personal training package. I did express I was willing to pay for one training session so someone who I'd like to think knows more about this me, could set me up with a regimen and I could do it for a month, and then get another session to re-assess and alter as I get stronger.
So we go to the fitness assessment. Yes, I realized how out of shape I was in. However, it was supposed to be a 30 minute session, and it lasted 15. And the guy was really arrogant-same guy we sat down with- and was talking to other people or looking around the gym instead of making sure we're at least doing the exercises right. What he doesn't know, it that I worked with a personal trainer for 3 years, 2-3 times a week. I KNOW how to do the exercises. I just don't remember the routines- I played stupid and just did what I was told. I also thought he was making the shit up as he was going along.
When the 'assessment' was done he said the obvious- we were out of shape. DUH. And then proceeded to try to sell us a personal training package. I again expressed what I was looking for...stressing the "we're paying for our own wedding" thing, and then he said if we were serious about loosing weight, we should move the wedding back!!!!!! Are you kidding me?!?!?! I again asked him about doing one session to get a routine, just so I know what to do, and he said they don't offer something like that there. So instead of getting $50 a month, they get nothing. HUH?
Is this how gyms function now? When I was 18, I joined a gym and that's what they did- give a personal training session to teach us how to use the equipment, and gave us a plan to follow. Has it really become an 'all or nothing' industry? How does anyone who's never worked out a day in their life get started then? I'd really like to know how other gyms work when it comes to their personal training packages.
This leads me to my ultimate question that, through research and asking around, I have yet to have answered:
WHAT is the best routine for me to loose weight?
For those of you who might have an answer for me, I'll give you my stats:
I'm 34 years old. I'm 100 over weight. I have no medical conditions or injuries that would prevent me from doing certain exercises. I am MOTIVATED and WILLING to do WHATEVER. I am putty in a hand. The problem is there are so many conflicting ideas out there, how do you weed through all the BS? Some websites say no weights because you'll bulk up under the fat. Some say yes to weights, but not on the stationary machines. WHICH IS IT?!?!?!?!
If you're reading this, and could give insight- please comment on here. I'm sure some people reading this would want to know too.
Overall, it feels AMAZING to be working out again. I especially love the days I'm not working out and my body is sore from the workout the day before. It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something- almost like the fruit of my labor. I also forgot how the endorphins lift your mood too. I feel so much better!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Off Hiatus
Yes, I know it's been almost two months since my last blog. To sum it up shortly, if you knew the amount of monumental things that have happened in my life in the past two months...I'd need a separate blog to explain it. However three experiences have definitely played a roll in the rise and decline of my weight.
1. My grandmother passed away. Everything stopped-diet, healthy eating, all of it.
Weight comes back on.
2. Immediately after I helped put on a school production of Willy Wonka...late nights and real candy props=more weight back on. Added stress at that time also landed me into the ER on a Saturday night for a MASSIVE back spasm.
3. I got engaged. Commence bridal bootcamp.
Needless to say it has a been a roller coaster of happy and sad, and instead of ignoring my eating habits, I observed. I learned two things.
1. I am most definitely a comfort eater. After leaving the ER I was bed-ridden for 3 days and on some heavy meds. I wanted every and all type of comfort food I could think of. Regular Coke to drink out of a straw, Kraft Mac and Cheese, appetizers for dinner, all those things we say NO to because we know it's bad. However, having a constant reminder on my ring finger, I wasn't that bad this time. I did have the Coke, but I didn't pig out this time.
2. I need to create a game plan for busy times. Because when I was in the midst of my grandmother's passing and the days leading up to the play, I had NO time prepare food or even think about making healthy choices. I just go to what quick, easy and cheap-pizza, subs, pasta. Things I know I can't eat. So the past few weeks I've been taking mental note of the choices I made in high stress times, and how I can make better choices...
My fiance and I also joined a gym. I'll save that for the next blog..
1. My grandmother passed away. Everything stopped-diet, healthy eating, all of it.
Weight comes back on.
2. Immediately after I helped put on a school production of Willy Wonka...late nights and real candy props=more weight back on. Added stress at that time also landed me into the ER on a Saturday night for a MASSIVE back spasm.
3. I got engaged. Commence bridal bootcamp.
Needless to say it has a been a roller coaster of happy and sad, and instead of ignoring my eating habits, I observed. I learned two things.
1. I am most definitely a comfort eater. After leaving the ER I was bed-ridden for 3 days and on some heavy meds. I wanted every and all type of comfort food I could think of. Regular Coke to drink out of a straw, Kraft Mac and Cheese, appetizers for dinner, all those things we say NO to because we know it's bad. However, having a constant reminder on my ring finger, I wasn't that bad this time. I did have the Coke, but I didn't pig out this time.
2. I need to create a game plan for busy times. Because when I was in the midst of my grandmother's passing and the days leading up to the play, I had NO time prepare food or even think about making healthy choices. I just go to what quick, easy and cheap-pizza, subs, pasta. Things I know I can't eat. So the past few weeks I've been taking mental note of the choices I made in high stress times, and how I can make better choices...
My fiance and I also joined a gym. I'll save that for the next blog..
Friday, January 20, 2012
Give Paula A Break...Sort of
Recently, Paula Dean revealed to the world that she has been living with Type II Diabetes for the last three years. And admittedly, I was pissed to hear this like many others. Not because of her cooking style, but because she hid her condition to gain popularity and is now opening up about it because she's getting paid to do so.
Her cooking style has been coined as fatty, sugary, over indulgent, gluttonous, etc. And to some extent can be. Since her big reveal, I feel that most people can't get the words "I told you so!" out of their mouthes fast enough...including the doctors that interviewed with her on the Today Show. I also can see a few weeks down the road, Deen getting blamed for part the Obesity problem in this country as a whole. However, we can't blame Paula for what is wrong with the eating in this country. Many of Paula's dishes are recipes she grew up with as a child-that many of us grew up with, and we didn't have an obesity epidemic back then. So what is the problem? Where does it start?
I subscribe to Cooking Light magazine (which will get it's own blog soon), and always look forward to the Note From the Editor. Scott Mowbray has a great way of summing up each issue, but also brings a personal light to his writing and the magazine as a whole. In the January Issue, Mowbray writes about this amazing food culture developing in America (which Deen's recipes are a part of), yet our obesity rates are so high. He said, "At the school level, however, let alone the mall, we often feed our kids junk." And then he quoted Curt Ellis, cofounder of FoodCorps, who said, "We teach children that this is America's food culture. In schools and other institutions, we just decided that cost matters more than quality."I think Mowbray nailed it with this essay. And as a school teacher, I see first hand the horrible food our children have to eat for lunch, and sometimes breakfast, each day. It's over processed, lowest quality meats filled with carbs and sugar. If we continue to raise our children to eat junk, then they will continue to eat junk when they are adults. So perhaps we have not seen the worst of our obesity epidemic. This is where the problem starts....how do we make it end? Perhaps that could be another blog. What I do know, is that if Paula Deen saw what my students eat everyday, she'd be appauled. And I also know my students would eat a lot healthier if they ate Deen's food compared to what they are now...
But before I let Ms. Paula off the hook, I do have one bone to pick with her...and it's not dipped in mayonnaise or lard. I'm angry at her character. She portrays herself on her shows as this 'southern mother' role to her fans, and to me that means she wants a trustworthy, protective relationship with them. However, she lied to her following public for three years AND she's only revealing her Diabetes because a pharmaceutical company is paying her to. And that's wrong. People should not be mad at her cooking, but the manner in which she acted. When you are a role model, what ever your expertise is, it is your responsibility to be truthful to the people that look up to you. Her actions are no different than all of these sports players that children look up to on the field, and then off the field they get caught using drugs. Paula Deen has put money before her fans, and therefore is no better. I defend her food, but I can't defend her actions.
Side Note: I lost another 2.5 pounds this week! YAY!
Her cooking style has been coined as fatty, sugary, over indulgent, gluttonous, etc. And to some extent can be. Since her big reveal, I feel that most people can't get the words "I told you so!" out of their mouthes fast enough...including the doctors that interviewed with her on the Today Show. I also can see a few weeks down the road, Deen getting blamed for part the Obesity problem in this country as a whole. However, we can't blame Paula for what is wrong with the eating in this country. Many of Paula's dishes are recipes she grew up with as a child-that many of us grew up with, and we didn't have an obesity epidemic back then. So what is the problem? Where does it start?
I subscribe to Cooking Light magazine (which will get it's own blog soon), and always look forward to the Note From the Editor. Scott Mowbray has a great way of summing up each issue, but also brings a personal light to his writing and the magazine as a whole. In the January Issue, Mowbray writes about this amazing food culture developing in America (which Deen's recipes are a part of), yet our obesity rates are so high. He said, "At the school level, however, let alone the mall, we often feed our kids junk." And then he quoted Curt Ellis, cofounder of FoodCorps, who said, "We teach children that this is America's food culture. In schools and other institutions, we just decided that cost matters more than quality."I think Mowbray nailed it with this essay. And as a school teacher, I see first hand the horrible food our children have to eat for lunch, and sometimes breakfast, each day. It's over processed, lowest quality meats filled with carbs and sugar. If we continue to raise our children to eat junk, then they will continue to eat junk when they are adults. So perhaps we have not seen the worst of our obesity epidemic. This is where the problem starts....how do we make it end? Perhaps that could be another blog. What I do know, is that if Paula Deen saw what my students eat everyday, she'd be appauled. And I also know my students would eat a lot healthier if they ate Deen's food compared to what they are now...
But before I let Ms. Paula off the hook, I do have one bone to pick with her...and it's not dipped in mayonnaise or lard. I'm angry at her character. She portrays herself on her shows as this 'southern mother' role to her fans, and to me that means she wants a trustworthy, protective relationship with them. However, she lied to her following public for three years AND she's only revealing her Diabetes because a pharmaceutical company is paying her to. And that's wrong. People should not be mad at her cooking, but the manner in which she acted. When you are a role model, what ever your expertise is, it is your responsibility to be truthful to the people that look up to you. Her actions are no different than all of these sports players that children look up to on the field, and then off the field they get caught using drugs. Paula Deen has put money before her fans, and therefore is no better. I defend her food, but I can't defend her actions.
Side Note: I lost another 2.5 pounds this week! YAY!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Thanks...
...to whoever decided this was the right way to look. Fashion magazines to blame? This culture needs to change. Not because I'm over weight, but because to be that thin is unhealthy....and most men don't think it's sexy either.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Clothes Shopping
I'll start by saying I lost 3 pounds this past week. YAY!
My triumph was quickly trumped by the need to buy an outfit for an engagement party this weekend. I don't know if the anxiety began when I knew the party was approaching and I'd be the fattest one there, or when I was in the dressing room looking in the mirror at the 2367th outfit that 'didn't do it' for me. Either way, I spent two days mulling over whether I should wear jeans or a dress, and what's the point cuz I'll look horrible anyway. Nonetheless my shopping experience was less than desirable. After 3 hours of shopping, I eventually settled on a top with jeans and flashy earrings-a safe way to deflect fatness is to wear flashy jewelry btw. People look at your jewelry and not you. If you don't believe me about this, go into any plus size store the next time you need jewelry-they have the most awesome stuff. I get more compliments on my costume jewelry...I just don't tell people where it comes from!
The whole night got me thinking about Plus Sized shopping in general. There are so many limiting factors to shopping plus size. For starters, you have to plan what you're going to buy weeks in advance. There are very few actual stores at your disposal. A non-fat person can hop in a car to the mall and have 30+ stores to choose from. We have maybe 2-3 stores tops. So unless you do your homework for EXACTLY what you're going to buy in those few stores, you're best bet is to shop online. That's the only browsing you're allowed to do. So if you need something fast, like I did on Friday, you're screwed.
You're also limited to the trends you're allowed to be part of when you're plus size. Since you're already at the disposal of the few stores that make plus sized clothing, you really have to fall at their mercy that they will be designing to the up to the minute fashion trends in order for you to 'try' to fit in with everyone else. I've often found that many stores don't do this. I understand that some fashion trends are NOT made to be worn by the big girls...like tube tops, skinny jeans with boots over them, mini skirts, etc. However, I am still under 60 and want to look young.
Finally, some plaus size stores change their size scale. Instead of having normal sizes, they convert their entire store into the 1X, 2X and 3X sizes. Some even have odd measuring systems and give them various numbers like 2, 4, and 6. Maybe they do this to make us feel better? I'm not sure, but I know my size. Don't try to make me think otherwise. It's so confusing.
If you're plus size, and are interested in knowing what stores I'm talking about, I'm going to list all of the stores I've shopped at and rate them according to the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 5:
Price
Style
Fit
Accessories
Availability
Lane Bryant
Price: 4 I love LB, but I can't always afford their clothes. Their clothes are VERY well made and last a long time.
Style: 4 They do a good job at keeping up with the trends. They've got DKNY and SEVEN jeans on board, and they have a wide variety of clothes from skirts to jeans.
Fit: 4 Their clothes fit well, and most of their clothes are true to size, however they resize they jeans with a weird size scale that I was never able to understand. Otherwise I would have given them a 5.
Accessories: 5 They have awesome accessories from jewelry to shoes to lingerie. Purses, scarves, fashion tights...and they're all reasonably priced
Availabilty: 5 In the last couple of years, they have made sure to have a store in just about every mall. Even in some strip malls. They also are online and are linked with other plus sized stores.
NOTE: Sometimes I"m embarrassed to shop here because LB is always in jokes about fat people. It's not the store's fault, but yours if you make the joke. I shouldn't have to be shamed for shopping here.
Fashion to Figure
My triumph was quickly trumped by the need to buy an outfit for an engagement party this weekend. I don't know if the anxiety began when I knew the party was approaching and I'd be the fattest one there, or when I was in the dressing room looking in the mirror at the 2367th outfit that 'didn't do it' for me. Either way, I spent two days mulling over whether I should wear jeans or a dress, and what's the point cuz I'll look horrible anyway. Nonetheless my shopping experience was less than desirable. After 3 hours of shopping, I eventually settled on a top with jeans and flashy earrings-a safe way to deflect fatness is to wear flashy jewelry btw. People look at your jewelry and not you. If you don't believe me about this, go into any plus size store the next time you need jewelry-they have the most awesome stuff. I get more compliments on my costume jewelry...I just don't tell people where it comes from!
The whole night got me thinking about Plus Sized shopping in general. There are so many limiting factors to shopping plus size. For starters, you have to plan what you're going to buy weeks in advance. There are very few actual stores at your disposal. A non-fat person can hop in a car to the mall and have 30+ stores to choose from. We have maybe 2-3 stores tops. So unless you do your homework for EXACTLY what you're going to buy in those few stores, you're best bet is to shop online. That's the only browsing you're allowed to do. So if you need something fast, like I did on Friday, you're screwed.
You're also limited to the trends you're allowed to be part of when you're plus size. Since you're already at the disposal of the few stores that make plus sized clothing, you really have to fall at their mercy that they will be designing to the up to the minute fashion trends in order for you to 'try' to fit in with everyone else. I've often found that many stores don't do this. I understand that some fashion trends are NOT made to be worn by the big girls...like tube tops, skinny jeans with boots over them, mini skirts, etc. However, I am still under 60 and want to look young.
Finally, some plaus size stores change their size scale. Instead of having normal sizes, they convert their entire store into the 1X, 2X and 3X sizes. Some even have odd measuring systems and give them various numbers like 2, 4, and 6. Maybe they do this to make us feel better? I'm not sure, but I know my size. Don't try to make me think otherwise. It's so confusing.
If you're plus size, and are interested in knowing what stores I'm talking about, I'm going to list all of the stores I've shopped at and rate them according to the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 5:
Price
Style
Fit
Accessories
Availability
Lane Bryant
Price: 4 I love LB, but I can't always afford their clothes. Their clothes are VERY well made and last a long time.
Style: 4 They do a good job at keeping up with the trends. They've got DKNY and SEVEN jeans on board, and they have a wide variety of clothes from skirts to jeans.
Fit: 4 Their clothes fit well, and most of their clothes are true to size, however they resize they jeans with a weird size scale that I was never able to understand. Otherwise I would have given them a 5.
Accessories: 5 They have awesome accessories from jewelry to shoes to lingerie. Purses, scarves, fashion tights...and they're all reasonably priced
Availabilty: 5 In the last couple of years, they have made sure to have a store in just about every mall. Even in some strip malls. They also are online and are linked with other plus sized stores.
NOTE: Sometimes I"m embarrassed to shop here because LB is always in jokes about fat people. It's not the store's fault, but yours if you make the joke. I shouldn't have to be shamed for shopping here.
Fashion to Figure
Price: 5 They're clothing is very inexpensive. However the quality fits the price.
Style: 5 If you're younger and want to look somewhat like you fit in, this is the place for you. Especially if you're trendy and looking for a fun night on the town.
Fit: 1 This is where they fall short the most. They have that 1X, 2X, 3X sizing scale. They say they cater to sizes up to 26, but I think that is not true. I am a size 20, and could not fit in ANYTHING in this store. Very upset that I wasted my time.
Accessories: 3 They have cool belts and stuff like that, but they don't look made well. Plus they keep trying to sell me this girdle thing that's made of rubber and smells funny.
Availability: 2 They only have 9 stores open at this time. However you can buy online.
Avenue
Price: 4 I want to give them a five, but I often get confused by their sales. The total is never what I expect it to be when I get rung up. The prices are good, and when there is a sale they're awesome!
Style: 3 They have some nice trends, but there are a lot of clothes that are matronly. This is not the place to go if you're young.
Fit: 3 I like their tops, but I hate the way their pants fit. They run a little big and I always seem to get a camel toe
Accessories: 5 Love the stuff. BIG shoe selection.
Availability: 5 According to the website, they have over 500 stores open accross the country.
NOTE: As much as I like this store, one pet peeve I have with them is the company gives their employees incentives to push for you apply for a credit card. They don't always take no for an answer. You need to stay firm on your no, and they also try to get you to sign up for magazine subscriptions. YUCK!
Ashely Stuart
Price 5: Great prices and good quality clothes to match for the most part
Style 5: They have a nice selection of trend and style along with a nice business line.
Fit 4: Everything fits well. I wasn't crazy about the skinny jeans. They were too big at the bottom.
Accessories: 5 They have some WILD jewelry-right up my alley!
Availability: 3 They don't have many stores in NJ, not sure about other states. Many of these stores are located in unsafe towns to drive alone to.
Roman's
Price: 3 I give them this score because they up the prices up front, and then have all these different specials going on at the same time. Often times, if you see an item you want that's new, wait a week and it will be on sale.
Style: 3 The first few pages have some nice clothes. However, go deeper in the catalog and it's old lady city!
Fit: 4 This is a good thing, but often times their sizes run large.
Accessories: 2 They really only sell shoes. And all of their accessories are dated. Not really up to date.
Availability: 1 They don't have any stores. So you have to order way in advance for an event.
Other stores that have nice plus size selections are Macy's, GAP, Old Navy, Dress Barn and Talbot's. Although these stores aren't completely sold on the plus size bandwagon. Not all Macy's carry full plus size departments and GAP and Old Navy only go up to size 20 and even those sizes are available only online. However they quality is great and it's nice to buy a name brand like everyone else. Dress barn is great for dresses!
As I shop more stores, I will rate them accordingly. If you know of any stores that sell plus size clothes that I didn't mention, let me know. I'm always looking for new places to shop. I also feel the need to state that my opinions of these stores are strictly my own, and I don't endorse one store more than the other.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Scaling It All
I finally got the courage to weigh myself yesterday. It was the first weigh in since before the holidays. Although it didn't put me into suicide mode like I'd predicted, it still made me feel bad. And taking into consideration the fact I've been eating pretty healthy for over a week now, I can only imagine how high it was before I began this journey. Perhaps I should have weighed myself before beginning this new me, but I didn't want to torture myself anymore.
I feel this tremendous guilt and anger over my weight on a daily basis. Being overweight is an incredibly exhausting experience. I've spent my life going into social situations and having my first thought "Okay, is there anyone here fatter than me?" And sadly, as a result, I usually walk away feeling shame and judged. And those feelings send an over eater straight to the kitchen.
I don't know how to overcome these feelings. Perhaps I need to accept it? Or maybe I need to develop strategies to feel good with my body. Whatever it is, I know I need to change here...however I think society needs to change as well. Last week, everyone on facebook and even on the radio was complaining about all the 'resolutioners' taking up the equipment at the gym. Some people said some pretty harsh things about those people, and it made me angry. If I didn't have to budget to start the gym until the end of the month, I'd be one of 'those people.' I understand that the real issue is everyone who is a 'faithful gymer' is put off by their routine being broken up, but I somehow still take it personally. I guess I see it as judging. Americans are so horribly judgmental about weight...or anything askew from status quo. Overweight people are looked at as sloppy, lazy, unmotivated- and I am NONE of those things. I
The world can be so cruel...
I feel this tremendous guilt and anger over my weight on a daily basis. Being overweight is an incredibly exhausting experience. I've spent my life going into social situations and having my first thought "Okay, is there anyone here fatter than me?" And sadly, as a result, I usually walk away feeling shame and judged. And those feelings send an over eater straight to the kitchen.
I don't know how to overcome these feelings. Perhaps I need to accept it? Or maybe I need to develop strategies to feel good with my body. Whatever it is, I know I need to change here...however I think society needs to change as well. Last week, everyone on facebook and even on the radio was complaining about all the 'resolutioners' taking up the equipment at the gym. Some people said some pretty harsh things about those people, and it made me angry. If I didn't have to budget to start the gym until the end of the month, I'd be one of 'those people.' I understand that the real issue is everyone who is a 'faithful gymer' is put off by their routine being broken up, but I somehow still take it personally. I guess I see it as judging. Americans are so horribly judgmental about weight...or anything askew from status quo. Overweight people are looked at as sloppy, lazy, unmotivated- and I am NONE of those things. I
The world can be so cruel...
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